Estelle Ellis Collection at the Smithsonian.
We may never touch queerness, but we can feel it as the warm illumination of a horizon imbued with potentiality…an ideality that can be distilled from the past and used to imagine a future. The future is queerness’ domain. Queerness is a structuring and educated mode of desiring that allows us to see the future beyond the quagmire of the present. The here and now is a prison house. We must strive, in the face of the here and now’s totalizing rendering of reality, to think and feel a then and there. Some will say that all we have are the pleasures of the moment, but we must never settle for that minimal transport; we must dream and enact new and better pleasures, other ways of being in the world, and ultimately new worlds … Queerness is essentially about the rejection of a here and now and an insistence on potentiality or concrete possibility for another world.
—In memory of José Esteban Muñoz, from his book, Cruising Utopia: The Then and There of Queer Futurity (via nyupress)
Cruising Utopia was good to me because it opened up the frameworks of desire I felt I ought stick to. Its a bummer Munoz has died. He was a good guy and had important things to say. Read his stuff when you can.
It is an invitation to desire differently, to desire more, to desire better.
—Cruising Utopia, José Munoz. Smart people shouldn’t die. :/
I’m ill and my faculty committee has decided its best I head home early for the term, take a few incompletes, and then satisfy those grades later on next term or over the summer. It is not a lot of work. Forty or so pages of writing total. This should be a simple thing to do, but I am a fellow of three associations (one transnational, one Canadian, one American) and each makes particular demands on my US student visa status and limits my actions while Im here for school. Its beyond frustrating. I just want to sleep and blow my nose and watch whole seasons of Star Trek: Enterprise and Sex and the City.
Somehow taking an incomplete (which is what medical leave is here at UW-Madison) takes me out of ‘good standing’ with the university because my provisional ‘visiting status’ is determined by the class of temporary visa that Fulbright issues. This freezes my SSHRC. The lack of good standing also freezes my Fulbright, which renders my actual student visa invalid. Doing so automatically changes my eligibility to remain a student at the university, which then kicks me out of the school entirely.
I keep running between a few offices on campus, trying to get them to sort their shit out. I am actually bringing bottles of pills so they can see how ass-backwards and unhelpful this is. I will only get sicker if I cannot be left to sleep.
I don’t remember much of the time around my dads death (I was 13), other than that after the burial, my brothers and I spent a few weeks not going to school. We stayed at home with our mom instead.
All I remember from the two weeks after he died is watching a ton of Designing Women. There was a 10 day marathon on, so I sat there with my mom for days. we watched every single episode. It was all we did until it was time to go back to school and start trying to be people again.
Julia Sugarbaker gave me a logic and language for re-entering the world while carrying this rage with men and fathers and all the terrible things they do. It was such an interesting, queer show and you should watch it if you haven’t.
Kathleen Edwards - Going to Hell